Saturday, December 13, 2008

Dear Santa (from Mom)

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold
sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over
several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red
crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and
who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;
but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle
in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can
hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,
Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't
fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the
use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the
living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice
seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be
heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten
the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if
you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding
payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a
safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in
and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children young enough to believe in Santa.

*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mommies you know*

(thanks to Linda, for sending me this!!)


Lakeland Jo said...

that's good fun. I enjoyed it. I was really sad when teenager obviously didnt believe in santa anymore... in fact he kept the whole story going for years because he thought I believed him in and ... I am not sure that I still don't....

stitchersanon said...

Actually, if you get a high quality ketchup with little sugar and additives (or make your own), then yes it can be classed as one
of your five a day..tomatoes being one of the few fruits to release more antioxidants when cooked compared to raw!

Happy christmas!

MikeH said...

Good one. You mean, ketchup isn't a vegetable? You'll be telling me pizza isn't a food group next.

Winifred said...

That's a great posting. One of the only good things about getting on is you get to enjoy Christmas with grandchildren. You're not quite so frazzled as when you were a Mam either.

Brilliant comments too!


Rudee said...

This is a perfect list!

Evelyn said...

my youngest is almsot 11 and this may be the last year i can do the Santa thing, my oldest hasn't said he doesn't believe in Santa but at almost 14, i hope for his sake he doesn't (his peers can be merciless)

Tea Time With Melody said...

Oh, this was great! I loved it.

Lib said...

Hi Gill,
Thats just too cute!

Gill - That British Woman said...

thanks for all our comments...


QuiltedSimple said...

I love that - way too cute!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Great post Gill - great letter too, especially the PS. Made me think - I haven't written to Santa in years - perhaps I should do it this year before it's too late.

A x

mommanator said...


The Good Life in Virginia said...

enjoyed your post...thanks for the chuckle this morning.

Stephanie D said...

I don't have a kidlet anymore but I can so remember the days....


Arija said...

Thank you, that made my day! I only wish I had had access to that list 60 yrs. ago.

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