Friday, February 12, 2010

No way, and, something to make you smile on a Friday.......

I am in the process of changing the layout on my blog, so things will be moved about and changed over the next few days when I have time........I am pretty busy with "stuff" around the house though.

I was reading on another site I go on about what someone was getting for Valentine's Day. She is getting a HANDGUN and a bunch of flowers. I had to read the post twice to make sure I was reading it correctly.

Thought I'd mention this as if you're a bit stuck on what you want for Valentine's Day, a handgun would be something different!! This is someone in the States where owning a gun is a pretty common thing.

5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands ***** in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs..

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift..

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory..'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull S__t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate..
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who dumps on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of doo doo is your

(3) And when you're in deep doo doo, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Did you remember to put your money in your Daily Savings Club pot?

Money Saving Tip:

A couple of frugal ideas for Valentine's Day:

MAKE A SPECIAL MEAL If you know your loved one, you will more than likely know what their favorite food is. If not, take some time to find out what he or she likes to eat. Your loved one will feel loved just knowing that you know even the little things about them.

MEMORY BOX Write your favorite memories on small pieces of paper. Your loved one will have a wonderful time thinking about wonderful times from the past.


Anonymous said...

Very funny. Thanks for the laugh :o)

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

THANKS for the chuckle to start my day!! Enjoy your weekend!!

The Pink Birdhouse said...

These are going to keep me laugh for a good part of the day as i share them with hubby and the kids! thanks.

Niki said...

Thank you for the morning giggle..I'm forwarding it to my husband and kids..they'll love it.
Your blog is looking great, I love the blog list header..I've never seen that before, you are an original, Gill!

CannedAm said...


Scrappy quilter said...

I like the new look. Hugs

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I noticed you were making some changes Gill. Liked the jokes, made me laugh a lot. A

Tracey said...

absolutely brilliant!!! xxxx

bubble said... the new blog look!

I have an award for you xxx

Kadeeae said...

LOL, thanks for the chuckles Gill - needed them today.

Site's looking good!

Decadent Housewife said...

A handgun?
That is so wierd.

claudie said...

Hi Gill
I love your blog. I'm from Ottawa. My mom lives in Windsor, I know where you live!!
I came by from umm let me think, I believe from Deborah's blog, fairfeildhouse... i think.
Love the jokes and the money tips. How are you liking living in Ontario? We also moved from the city to the country. It took me a while to adjust, but I wouldn't change it for the world. We live on the river in a little place called Plantagenet.
Happy Valentine's and have a great week.
Love Claudie

Manchester Lass, Now and Then said...

Nothing beats a good laugh first thing in the morning. Thanks Gill

The Witch said...

I actually have some of those printed in a notebook at work.
They sometimes get me thought the day laughing at how dumb our management team can be.

Patty said...

Loved your post, I like funny stories and jokes. Have a fantastic evening a terrific week-end and a Happy Valentine's Dinner.

Cathy said...

Hello Gill
Haven't seen those jokes before so had a good chuckle - will pass on to a few friends
The white blog page is very refreshing - makes for easy reading. Looks good - like the different approach to a blogroll - visible but not in your face
Take care