They say things come in three and since December 30th, we have had three deaths. Two in the family and one an aquaintance of ours. With all these deaths and illnesses it does get you thinking about your own demise and what you want to happen when your time comes.
The sorting out of our estate is pretty simple. If either dh or I die, our estate goes to the surviving spouse. When we both die it's equally divided between our two children. So far straight forward. Dh and I were always adamant we wanted a burial. Now however I am not 100% sure.
In this day and age when everyone is so busy who has time to go and tend their parents graves? Our kids don't. I think if they "visited" us once a year we would be lucky. So that brings us to a cremation. The whole idea of being burned to ashes doesn't actually appeal to me; also although I agree with spreading your ashes where you want is a good idea, sort of hoped though I would not be parted from dh.
I do believe me and dh will be reunited in heaven, but knowing my dh he may get lost on the way up there....LOL Dh's brother who just passed away; his ashes are being spread on the football pitch of his favourite team. Which is free and done by the family with the teams vicar attending; who knew?
We had seen a cemetary in a country church we loved; but are not members there. It is in the middle of nowhere, so I know no one will visit us if we are buried there. Then again people have their memories of you, which no one can take away. Visiting a dead body is not going to make the memories better are they?
Gosh this is a dithering post. I think it indicates I am not ready to make a decision on this yet?
Have you made all your funeral arrangements or are you still in the thinking about it mode like me?
One thing on our to do list this year is to update our wills. However as I have just forked out for new passports, that will have to wait a month of two. It must get done this year though, regardless.
16 comments:
Ashes could be saved until both could be scattered at the same time. I would like to be scattered to the wind off the cliffs at Tintagel, Cornwall. Tom Waits would be singing 'Take It With Me'.
great idea Andi hadn't thought of that. My mother wants Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again," when the curtains close at the Crematarium (sp?).
We are having our ashes mixed with the cats'ashes then we are being sprinkled on the ocean.
Jane x
Yes, I said last year that I would do a post on funerals, after spending time organising the FH's farewell last July. There is a lot to think about, and I still haven't written it - perhaps I should do so soon, before I forget the details of the organising. The FH's ashes are safely tucked away in the sideboard, as he wanted to be buried with me when I go...that could be interesting. And wills are another matter! It is good to have you back, by the way xxx
When my husband passed away I bought a niche in a columbarium (sp?) it is sized to hold two containers of ashes.
I have been going to the cemetery on his b-day in May and at Christmas. My Dad passed away in 1991 and every year on Father's Day and Christmas I have visited his grave. Every month of the year and give my elderly Mum fresh flowers so she can enjoy them now.
Patricia
Both Papa and I want to be cremated and have our ashes scattered together in an old country cemetery we have down here near the forest or in the forest by the cemetery and if not then just scatter us in the back 40 lol ! as long as we are scattered in the countryside or a forest then again maybe off of Hawks cliff down here near lake Erie either or lol !
In the states, maybe there too, you can buy a double urn (room for two cremated bodies). A family friend and her husband did that. She died first and was cremated. He sat her by the bed and talked to her each night until he died years later. He was then cremated and the family had a celebration of life service for them and they were scattered to the four winds on the family farm.
I'd actually prefer, if I'm to be buried or cremated and interred, for it to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
We are both being cremated. I want to have my ashes spread in the Pacific ocean. Not sure what hubby wants done with his - I need to ask him. We have prepaid nothing - will pay when the time comes. He is ukrainian and they usually want big funerals (think big $$$ where you pay for a lunch and the whole town comes for the freebie). He dislikes all of that so is going a different direction.
Not something that we generally want to talk about is it but the older we get and as you say, with more funerals to attend as we get older, it does bring this thinking to the fore. My side of the family has always been cremated. Hubby's side has always been buried. His mother is in Arlington National Cemetery and we visit her on special days, like birthdays, Christmas and so on, and take her red roses which she loved. As for us, still not sure what we want done. Guess we ought to get a move on.
This is a difficult topic, Gill, and having just experienced the passing of my mother in Dec, it has started us thinking more. We did have wills and living wills prepared well over a year ago. It is daunting to think of one's demise, but it actually relieved us of some concerns. Also when we decided to move, the reason we selected apt living vs. a house/condo, etc. was so that family members would also have less to deal with later.
As for burial vs. cremation, we prefer not to be buried because graves are not places I visit. I try to give flowers to the living vs. putting them on gravesites.
We signed up for an estate-planning seminar offered by the credit union we just joined here. Perhaps there are similar seminars offered in your area.
Also, thanks very much for the birthday wishes this week. Congrats too on your new place which I have spent time looking at in past blog posts. We also considered a 55+ or active adult community when we decided to relocate. However, we did not want to own anything again.
We are only in our 40's but had a close family funeral in January. It made me rethink my choice for similar reasons. I have written having us cremated in our will but after viewing my brother in law's box of ashes, I don't want my ashes or any family member's urn in my dining room or that of my kids house..
I'm ignoring it for now but I mentioned buying plots so someone could visit us (kids, I guess) and my husband was quite shocked. 'Throw my ashes over xx golf course' he said...I can't decide
Oh, Gill, this could have been written by me with a little different twist. We have not made a decision...except I have told my husband I do not want them to have a funeral for me...and for sure not the casket open!
And I don't want to be buried here...I just don't feel like I belong. For the most part. I found that little cemetery out by these strip pits I like to visit and thought I would feel okay with it, but I don't.
So I am really leaning towards cremation, and my ashes returned to Tennessee whenever they feel like it. I would sort of like Roger's here with me...still, nothing settled.
I agree, it is good to plan ahead for funerals, wills, etc.
I very much hope that every single bit of my body can be used for medical science or as a donor. After that I don't care what happens. I guess I'll be cremated, but we haven't thought about it. I won't be any fit state to mind what happens!
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