Young couple, early thirties. Two children 5 and 2. Lived together for nearly six years, bought a house together. Both work; he will be well paid, her not so much. Decided to get married in March of 2016.
So far asked to buy ticket to Buck and Doe (joint Stag and Hen night). Dh only bought one as he has no intention of going and they cost a lot more money on the night anyhow. $10
Bridal Shower; being thrown by future mother-in-law and sister-in-law in a banquet hall (sister-in-law's wedding reception there, very fancy place). Bride registered at Sears; lots of stuff on the registry. Money spent........? Hoping to spend under $100; very doable.
Wedding: $300 cash gift for couple. As the people who will be invited will be the same people who went to the last two weddings we've been too, I will have to buy at least a new top, so hopefully only $50 spent there.
My gripe, I think they are being greedy having not only a Buck and Doe, but a bridal shower when they have a house and live together. Okay you may want the whole Bridal experience, but couldn't you have the Bridal Shower for close friends and family; I am neither. Or have the Bridal Shower with no gifts.
I am quite sure most of the wedding will be paid for by their parents, as his parents put on a big fancy wedding for their daughter. They are good parents and will want to make their children equal.
I am not going to the Bridal Shower as I have other commitments that weekend. I will just send a gift and my regrets.
Are they being greedy? What are your thoughts?
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29 comments:
Here in the UK, they refer to the wedding industry, I think it's all got out of hand. $300 gift? What for, they already have their own home. I think it's a trend of greed.
In 1959 my parents' wedding reception was a ham salad in a hired room above a pub in Tottenham. And a very nice do it was, by all accounts. There is a saying, 'the more expensive the wedding the quicker the divorce'. It does seem extremely over the top considering they already have their lives set up together.
I think as you say they are just wanting to have 'the whole wedding experience', but in my opinion, yes they are being greedy.
After living together for that length of time and raising a family they must have must have most of what they need. Surely a cap on present cost or a donation to a charity of their choosing would have been fairer AND nicer.
It is greedy and over the top but unfortunately the young couple probably doesn't see it as such as that is the generation and they way most are thinking. I blame media for making these young people think this is normal and something they are entitled to.
Yes it is greedy. Why do they need a gift at the bridal shower and then another at the wedding? I don't understand that at all, and why do the gifts have to cost so much? The total for the two gifts is almost £200, which for me is two months'grocery budget!!
I would not attend either of the showers, seeing as they have been together and have their family started, what more could they use for their home. As for the wedding, I'd send a card and much less gift card or check and wish them a happy life. Greed is a terrible thing and it's also teaching their children the wrong way. Bess
Greedy, it's the marriage that's important,not the trimmings.
Jane x
I agree with Evelyn. I am so sick of people who have the kids before the wedding! Whatever happened to good taste and decorum? $300 for a wedding present? Those parties? I'm sorry but I so disagree with it all. I have declined showers, and not sent a gift. Maybe it is just our income status. Anyway, when we got married, we paid our way. My dress was off the rack and on sale. Our flowers in the church were potted Mums. We had a buffet in a country dance hall. Next month we will be married for 35 years!
Deb
You don't bring a present to the buck and doe. That's just a party to hang out and drink. We usually skip those.
I think it is a bit on the greedy side, too. We had a relative that divorced and remarried...we were invited so bought the gift. Then that marriage ended and a few years later, another marriage. We did not go to wedding, we did not buy gift. I told Roger that was just not right...I just would not feel guilty if I didn't send anything. Specially if you are not close.
$300--way too much in my opinion...I am one that the more someone wants to tell me what to spend, the less I want to do it.
We don't have the bridal shower here just the hen night and gifts aren't given then. Just 1 gift for the wedding. It sounds an expensive business and I would have thought they'd have an established home at this point in their lives, maybe they just haven't thought about it from the guest's perspective xx
I think people should expect their guests presence not their presents at their wedding.
Good job on keeping the expenses down Gill.
It's gotten out of hand. That's too much.
way pass my budget!
We were already living together and had our first child when we were married. We asked for donations to the wedding. For example an uncle bought my flowers, an aunt made the cake, cousins and SIL for hair and makeup. Most people brought a tray of finger food for the Buffet.
We had a few small gifts of horseshoes and Mr and Mrs glasses but nothing near $300! I'd of given it back!
Ridiculous! Just send a card and wish them well.
This is a really sad situation.
I cannot see the need for a shower at all. Really, when they've been living together... I wouldn't send a gift, just an RSVP.
I'm not sure it is greed, so much as family wanting to do something and following traditions for a non-traditional arrangment!
I agree with you it is to much to ask for, wedding is ok but shower after having had a home and family together for years is greedy for sure.
Weddings have really changed. I like the church wedding, reception in the basement (with ham salad, yeah!) and some gifts from the bridal registry and some wacky gifts chosen by the dear guests. When our kids got married I realized that if you don't buy something off the registry, brides don't like it. They can be picky!
What's REALLY important is "the marriage" but we both know that, right Gill?
I agree with everyone else. Too greedy!
Yup being greedy . I would just send a card wishing them well and what not !
They all seem to put the cart before the horse nowadays.
Talk about greed. Wedding presents were meant to help a couple set up home not to add to their bank account.
I would opt out most definitely.
Greed pure and simple.
Make a donation to a families services charity in their name.
It is getting out of control these days. But I find the ones going to the bridal shower are the older relatives and friends. And the ones going to the doe, or hens night as we call them, are for the younger. Well that's how we worked it. Anyway. That way no one felt left out
I agree with you that it's too much. I went to my nephews wedding, and bought a shower gift that I had sent to them off the registry, and gave them a check at the wedding -- Along with spending two nights in a hotel, etc., which was okay, I've yet to receive a thank-you card for any of it, and the bride barely spoke two words to me. What every happened to etiquette and manners, and in your case just keeping it low key and celebrating their getting married...
My opinion won't be popular but I think that ship has sailed. Now, I don't mean they shouldn't get married -- they should (I am old fashioned) but they have lived together for years and have children and have a household set up (how many toasters do they need?) In my opinion they should go get married with just family in attendance and then have a nice reception for friends to attend. As far as gifts go -- here in the US if you give a shower gift you don't need to give a wedding gift. One gift, period. I understand them wanting a wedding but it is a different situation, don't you think?
As a never-married-single with 60 years of life under my belt I definitely think this greedy. I set up a home, furnished it, bought what I needed and paid for it all myself. Nary a housewarming gift! Not even my siblings gave me any "celebration" gifts but when their offspring married I too received invitations to multiple parties and lists of the registered gifts. In my experience brides hate it if the gift given is not off The List! Sour grapes from a spinster? Maybe, but the current wedding industry has a lot to answer for. Here in New Zealand, "destination weddings" to a Pacific island resort add many more hundreds of dollars to the list. So in my humble opinion the couple you mention are greedy and selfish.
When I calculate how much to give in gifts, I know how much I earn per hour and how many hours would I work to pay for the gift.
In my family circle, this is the way it rolls these days.
Last year I had to completely MISS the entire production for a CLOSE family relative. There were certain demands made for shower and wedding gifts. In addition, guests were expected to rent rooms at the venue which was at a rather remote location. The rooms were over $200.
I sent my regrets, I'm sure my relatives were quite p****d off because I had missed the brides FIRST wedding for the same reason. Lack of funds.
I sent a beautiful hand made gift along with a family heirloom crystal bowl.. She sent a thankyou, but the subject of the gift was wrong. She didn't even know what it was! I told her mother that it was a set of "blanks" not a set of "blanks", but whether she got the message is questionable.
I've had it with these weddings......
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