Saturday, April 10, 2010

A chuckle for a Saturday............

Love those Church Ladies.. They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.


Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.


This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.


Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.


The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.


The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:

"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Want to thank my step-mum for emailing me those, thought they were funny.

Did you remember to put money into your Daily Savings Pot today?

Today's Money Saving Tip:

Use an old sheet or spend $1.00 for one at a thrift store to use as a drop cloth. Sheets are heavier than the plastic drop cloths at the store and will last for many rooms of painting. Hang over a clothesline or fence to dry before folding and storing.


Tracey said...

Fantastic! I needed that laugh, I shall bring my husband along for the white elephant stall! xxx

LizBeth said...

I believe it! There are some amazing things in church bulletins!

Liz, Republic of Texas

Patty said...

They are all funny and clever, but really liked this one: This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Happy week-end. Chilly here this morning, we had a frost last night.

EG Wow said...

Thanks for the chuckles, Gill. It's great to read something funny in the morning. I bet my whole day will be great now!

Beth said...

I've seen these before but they're worth a re-read and another chuckle!

Stephanie V said...

Thanks for the morning laugh. We don't do enough of that!
Typos are interesting: we know they're wrong and yet we know exactly what the intent of the sentence is. This took me back to all the church bulletins in my life.

I've left an explanation of I-cord for you at mine.

Donna said...

Came from Chicken Boys blog...These are TOOOO funny!
Nice blog!

Mama Zen said...

These are hilarious!

bad penny said...

These are hilarious Gill !

John Gray said...

my favourite poster on a church stateD
jesus saves!!!!



Amy said...

LOL brilliant!! xxx

Anonymous said...

Love it! My favorite? "Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. "


~Kim~ said...

Ya gotta love those church ladies!!! :-))

I also really like your money saving tips Gill! It's always spot-on advice! To help protect my furniture from the dogs I use painters cloths that I originally bought to protect my carpeting when we were trying to sell our last house--I also use them instead of towels on the floor for when we have muddy paws.

The Handmaden said...

Very funny Gill :)

O. the expat mom said...

I just got my husband to listen to his soccer (on computer!) with headphones. I cannot stand the sound of the comentators. Anyway, I said to him I would like to do some reading, so I needed some peace. Well, I thought I will stop by your blog and this posting made me laugh so hard, my hubby is not so happy with me! Thanks!:)