I am a British born, living in Canada. Moved to the countryside in 2009 to a 1909 stone farmhouse. In 2014 we are going to embark on a new adventure with our home ownership.

Life is never ever dull around here and I always have a tale to tell!!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Oh dear me some people.

Well it seems not everyone was in agreement with us taking Millie back to the shelter, check out the original post here.  It seems Abgurl in Alberta Canada thinks I am both cruel and insensitive.

This is what they had to say about me:

"What a shame- I just started to read your blog but because of what you have just disclosed regarding first adopting this poor animal( who clearly needed a loving family) and then chose to return it( akin to taking an item back to the store because of a flaw or such),I am extremely dismayed that someone would do this. Yes the animal certainly had medical issues and yet you did not see this when you first chose the animal??? How in the world did you miss some of the obvious ones that you speak of??? Had this been a child that you were choosing to adopt and once you got "it" home, it displayed a problem, would you have tried to return them???

What you did was cruel and insensitive and I hope to heavens that you never never have the opportunity to do this to another helpless animal that might be relying on us humans for care and love( and that it sounds like this poor animal never had in its prior life-you could have made a difference) And if my tirade makes you feel any type of remorse, good. Shame Shame on you

Abgurl in Alberta Canada"


Abgurl of course doesn't have a blog or an email address where I could privately let them know what's what, so I guess I will have to respond to her message here.

You wanted to know:  "How in the world did you miss some of the obvious ones that you speak of???"

So lets start at the head.

Cataracts:  I for one am not familiar with cataracts in either human or animal.  I don't know of anyone with them and had no personal experience with them.  Plus without my glasses on I can't see things clearly close up anyway, so it would have been the case of the blind leading the blind here!

Enamel missing on her teeth:  When you first bring an older dog home that you have no previous history about and even though they seem very good natured; I don't think it's very prudent to try and see what's going on in their mouth until you have formed some bond or trust with them?  Now that's just me, maybe you are comfortable with inspecting a dogs teeth/mouth when you first meet them?

Heart Murmur: This is not an obvious one, and only a qualified vet would be able to determine this one.

Hips/spine:  Now some of these issues are obvious to the naked eye, but some are not.  There were signs that something wasn't right, which included how she was sitting.  She infact squatted not actually sat on her bum.  We mentioned that to the shelter but it was dismissed as nothing.  

When we were at the shelter both times it was busy with lots of things going on, which not only distracted you, but the animal.  We didn't bring her home until the Monday night, so we didn't have too long with her before it was bed time.  On the Tuesday morning I was out and about with her and on Tuesday afternoon she slept a lot as she was tired.  By Wednesday when we had more time together it was very obvious there was something going on with her back end.  I had previously booked an appointment with our vet for the Friday but moved it up to that evening, as we were concerned.  It was at that appointment all these issues were pointed out to us.  At that point both ourselves and our vet who knows us very well thought it was in the dogs best interest to return it to the shelter.

"first adopting this poor animal( who clearly needed a loving family) and then chose to return it( akin to taking an item back to the store because of a flaw or such),I am extremely dismayed that someone would do this."

If the shelter had bothered to disclose these issues about the dog from the beginning, we would have never even considered taking her home.  Both my husband and I talked with the coordinator at the shelter at length about what we had gone through with our prior dog Molly.  If you care to read back through my blog history you will see what we did to make Molly's life as bearable as possible despite all the allergies she had.  At no time did we say we were willing to take on a animal with a lot of health issues, infact we said the exact opposite.

From what we knew the shelter takes their animals when they are brought into the shelter to their own vet for a check up to see if there are any problems.  It took our vet all of 15 minutes tops to figure out all these problems; so I am guessing their vet would have been able to do the same?  However I don't know that for a fact, so I can't assume that.  They however did confirm that the vet had looked at her, as they were not 100% sure that she had been spayed and they didn't want to open her up to see, so if she did go onto heat that we were to bring her back and they would spay her for us.  Our vet confirmed she felt as scar where it should be when a dog is spayed.

If we were not serious about adopting an animal and did this as a distraction to keep me amused for a few days (I know this is not what you wrote), why on earth would I have gone out and spent close to $100 on supplies for this animal, including two beds so she would have a comfy place to sleep, toys and other things?  Also why on earth would we spend $90 getting her checked out at our vets?  I don't think that is a sign of someone who is cruel or insensitive?

Again if you had bothered to read through the rest of my blog you will see we have adopted an animal from a shelter before and gave Molly a good life and she was loved dearly.

So before you go judging me Abgurl in Alberta Canada, try and at least get your facts right first.......

38 super stars left a comment:

It would appear to be Abgurl who is being insensitive here, especially as like most commentators like this, she hides behind the anonymous posting.
Shame on the centre methinks, they must have known the problems associated with the dog and busy or not, should have pointed them all out. If they didn't know, something is wrong somewhere and they need to address it.

We had a similar problem with a so called pedigree puppy we bought at full cost and gave it to a rescue centre as it was as mad as a march hare (not our words). The breeder was furious and our vet who we took it too, said we had probably been conned and he thought that perhaps the dog (not puppy) had probably been sold more than once.

Gill - take no notice of unkind comments - there are always people who enjoy giving other people a bad time! I think you were very kind to try and give another dog a good home - it seems to be the fault of the homing centre not to let you know of the precise problems of this dog. We homed a black labrador but within a month we took the dog back due to very bad behavourial problems and understand how upset you must be. I hope you get over this upset soon!

Gill, you are a sweet soul & this poster obviously doesn't know you from a hole in the ground!! It's not like Millie had ONE issue, she had MANY issues. Like the other commenters said, anonymous posters are rude & judgemental... Ignore it & move on! Hugs!!!

As a blogger who has had my share of Nay-sayers....I can totally get where you feel like you have to defend yourself. But in the end, you are the only one who has to "live" with a decision.

I hope that Millie is able to find a home that is prepared to deal with her medical needs, and that the shelter makes sure that they disclose EVERYTHING. I really hope that they didn't hide things in hopes that a family would adopt her and then feel too guilty to bring her back.

Write on the blackboard and erase it.....
You did the best you could...
I'm sorry there are such mean people out there
You should set up your account not to accept anonymous...

Does Abgurl know you? NO!
Anyone who knows you,knows that you are not able to deal with the situation.The dog should be with someone who IS able to.
I could cope, I'm used to it,but it's not me who is bringing a dog into my life.
The shelter needs a kick in the butt,not you.
Jane xxx

You should have been told all those things by the shelter before you took her home. They let you down. Millie needs to go to someone who has the time, inclination, and the money needed to give her a good home. Not your fault at all.

Hi, Gill -- Ugh -- I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. In the first place, you really don't owe any lengthy explanations to anyone. In the second place, it is pretty obvious that the shelter didn't give you all the information you needed when taking the dog home. In the third place, when adopting an animal (rescue or otherwise) it has to be a good fit for the family. Being misled into adopting an animal that is not well is not only a financial drain but an emotional drain as well and on the coattails of Molly, that is not a good thing for YOU. Anybody who has read your blog for any length of time can tell that you are the sort of person who takes whatever you do very seriously. You are not an irresponsible, uncaring person and were acting upon the advice of your own vet which is the correct thing to do. You will find another fur-ever friend and Millie will find a home that is more suited to her as well. As for your judgmental commentors -- just forget 'em. I had the same thing when I chose to relinquish the cat and my thought process was that if they were so concerned, they could pick the cat up at my vet anytime. Your heart was in the right place when you took her home and your heart was in the right place when you took her back.

I have a persistent pain in the butt who picks me up about everything I say or do, refuses to believe I have health issues and loves to leave sarcastic comments anonymously. I used to get quite angry when I read them. no more I just delete them without reading them. I am not interested in her opinions and certainly will not defend myself to someone who is cowardly enough not to leave a name, let alone have a blog.

Chin up,at the worst you were mislead by the shelter and had every right to return the dog. Perhaps the poster would like to adopt the dog?

I guess I am flabbergasted...just did not see this kind of comment coming to you at all. But then I have 'known' you for a long time and I know this returning Millie had to hurt/bother you even after the short time you had her.

Can't help but wonder if this person ever had a pet they loved and lost it. After my first cat named Cougar died, I could not even hardly pet another cat for years. Just loved him so much, I couldn't even think about another one.

It has not been that long ago you lost Molly...to soon to start going through the same thing of seeing an animal suffer.

Gill, never mind what others say about your decision. After all, it is YOUR decision and only you can know deep in your heart what was the right thing to do. I think, the shelter was not truly honest with you. Besides, this is your life, and your budget. Caring for such a sick pet is very costly and if you do not think you can handle it, you must be right. Please take a deep breath and forget about this person who judged you without knowing the hard facts.

Dear Gill,
Ignore this ignorant lady! I personally felt so happy you had found another dog as I remember Molly was such a big part of your life, and felt your hurt when you had to take her back as you had been badly let down by the shelter. Your decision was so totally right after the time you had with Molly, as you were hoodwinked by the re-homers with her to I seem to recall and the financial and emotional cost of this is massive.
I do so hope you find the right dog. Please don't stop blogging! I know I rarely comment now - very very I'll - but yours is my first visit of the day and your comings and goings keep me sane!
All the best,
Fee. Somerset UK

As I said in my comment when you said you'd had to return Millie, the shelter is at fault not you, because you wouldn't have adopted her if you'd known about her health issues.Anyone who had been duped into taking her and didn't have the financial clout to address all her health issues would have had to do return her - the alternative would be to keep her and let her suffer deteriorating health as you wouldn't be able to pay to fix/ alleviate any suffering.That would have been far more ' cruel and insensitive' as Abgurl puts it. People who leave comments such as hers tend not to have read anything about you/ your situation/ your previous posts - I've had my share of them, and denigrating emails too, which I took great satisfaction in replying to, whilst picking apart every little bit of their ' argument'. As for her no longer reading your blog - she's really no loss.

Oh Gill she does not know what a loving person you truly are as far as animals go you have the biggest heart and I know you agonized over this decision with your own health in the state it is in. She did not take the time to know you before attacking, maybe she will go back and see your other posts and realize this incredible animal love you have.Try to not worry about this we who know you know the truth and rest of the story. B

Interesting that people makes these comments to you without giving an email or blog address.
Just ignore it. The shelter should have advised you.
You did the right thing.

Bugger em. Short and sweet, the British way. I have been reading your blog for oh, ages. I know what you went through with Mollie and you decided to keep her and struggle on despite the allergies and issues. You are still raw from your loss, because, despite her medical conditions, you fell in love with her and did your best for her. The people in the wrong here are the centre not you. You are a responsible dog owner: an irresponsible dog owner would either a/dump a dog or b/ keep it even though its care was well out of your skills. You are a great person, who tried to do a good deed. so in plain English...Bugger 'em!

Gill, I'm just catching up on your blog and am so, so sorry about what you're going through, and what happened with Millie. You did what you felt like you had to do, and I admire you for that--I would never judge you for that, and it's unfortunate that you have been. Because even though I've never met you personally, I have no doubt that you are a kind, caring and compassionate person. And I have to wonder that if Abgurl had been in your same shoes, what would she have done? It's so easy to criticize someone from the sidelines, but I have found so many times, that these same people who quickly judge in these kinds of circumstances are very rarely willing to step up to the proverbial plate themselves.

I hope you find comfort in knowing you did what you felt was best, and I so hope that when you're ready, you'll again consider opening your heart and home to another pup.

I know this person's comments bothered you and there's likely nothing I can say to take the sting out of them. You know, many shelters don't do direct adoptions -- they instead have the prospective adoptive families foster for one month before they adopt. Would Abgurl call that cruel? You didn't have Millie for even a week! Abgurl has it wrong. You know I work on the other side of animal shelters. I've seen what they do to move animals out of the shelter and into homes. They lie, they don't disclose facts, and then this happens! It's wrong and I complain about it, but it usually works out in favor of the shelter (fewer animals) so they keep doing it. No, you did nothing wrong. It's disconcerting that you felt you had to justify your actions.

It reminds me of a party I went to recently. A poor woman had just put down her dying dog and was fighting back tears when another woman told her that what she had just done was murder.
Some folks have absolutely no filter at all.
I realized that the "murder" woman was from another culture that does nt believe in killing anything (not even silkworms) but I think she should have kept her opinion to herself instead of causing more hurt.
If I had a blog I would just delete those comments that are plainly unkind and unhelpful.

It reminds me of a party I went to recently. A poor woman had just put down her dying dog and was fighting back tears when another woman told her that what she had just done was murder.
Some folks have absolutely no filter at all.
I realized that the "murder" woman was from another culture that does nt believe in killing anything (not even silkworms) but I think she should have kept her opinion to herself instead of causing more hurt.
If I had a blog I would just delete those comments that are plainly unkind and unhelpful.

So sorry you have had to read this Gill. Anyone who has read your blog before knows how much you loved Molly and how well you cared for her , and also that you so did not want to go through that again with all the health problems.
You did the right thing for you and DH and for Millie, as you said, you told them you did not want an animal with problems . If they develop later , then so be it , but it seems to me that there was cover up to get you to take her when it really wasn't the ideal solution.
I used to work at a vets , and know what a strain it can be to look after a pet with long term problems . It's not just the cost , though obviously it is a big issue , but the emotional upset watching your pet not feeling right or in pain /discomfort etc , can be heartbreaking , and no-one wants to go through that,especially for a long period of time .

I do hope at some point you find the right dog to adopt, as you are lovely people who deserve to have a loving companion with you .XXX

Gill,
This person needs to get a life!
Why would they spend so much time and energy to go after you without even reading your blog? Molly was very well cared for and comfortable every day as your post showed. What a life your Molly had from ever direction of your house.
You don't deserve this S---. You are a great animal lover of all kinds and this person needs to GO!! How dare you attack Gill!!!

I know you Gill just through your blog, having read all your posts. You don't at all come across as a thoughtless, cruel-hearted person who would casually decide after a day that you did't want to give the dog a home. I believe your heart was breaking having to return the dog to the shelter. Good wishes to you and ignore the thoughtless remarks. Remember, there are always two sides to every story and Abgurl only had bits of one side before passing judgement. :)

Gill, I was dismayed when I read your post this morning that you even thought you must respond to this person (Abgurl) but I am sincerely not surprised that she did not leave you any contact details.....people like this never do!!

Gill you did the only thing a responsible pet owner would do if they thought they could not look after the animal to the full extent of its needs. You said yourself it would put your family in financial hardship.

Our business (for the last 25yrs) is working with animals & time & time again we see people that are not emotionally or financially able to give their animals the care they require but will not re-home them because of their own selfish sentimental reasons. Some of these animals become victims of neglect before their owners will part with them.

Rest easy Gill myself & many others here applaud the actions you took, however I do hope that Millie does find a suitable home, people must remember it takes more than love to be a responsible pet owner. Abgurl, join the real world.

I'm with you, Gill. You did the right thing and went with your heart. There will be someone out there who has the time and money to help Millie. I hope in time you find the right pet and don't let this comment upset you. Abgurl does not walk in your shoes.

I am so sorry you have had your heart once again hurt. First in returning that poor dog then second some nut case saying mean things. Hugs to you. Mean people stink!!

It sounds like these problems were totally the fault of the shelter. I have never heard of a shelter NOT doing a complete physical exam on the animals they take in to avoid just this problem--giving a very sick animal to unsuspecting people. You did the right thing.

The problem lies with the shelter. They did not make full disclosure. You did the right thing.

Oh, dear Gill, I'm sorry about the peoplewho make their judgement when they hardly know you! And it's sad that the shelter would lie when you try to make such an important decision!!

I found myself nodding in agreement with everyone's comments. Anyone who has followed your blog for some time has sensed your deep affection and commitment to your previous dog, Molly, and how upset you were with her passing. We all know that you did not take the decision to return Millie lightly. 99.9% of your blog followers stand behind you. But like they say... You can't please everyone, and some people have nothing better to do than take swipes at others to make themselves feel better. For shame.

You will find the right canine match, and when you do, it will be one lucky dog.

Hugs,
Christine
Almonte, Ont.

How unfair and harsh to judge another with knowing ALL the facts, if even caring to. How many times have I said this, We all have to walk in our own shoes, not knowing what is happening in another's walk of life. Please take care in your comments towards judging others when they have to make a decision concerning their life circumstances. We all have had to make difficult decisions at one time or another concerning I am sure a number of different life choices, hoping not to be judged by another. Your Heart should not have been hurt further then it already was with this decision, Gill, so sorry there are people so quick to judge. xx

Hugs. Sorry to hear you went through this with the dog and the troll. It is the shelter's responsibility to know their animals before adopting them out.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. You did the right thing by Millie – you didn’t have her put to sleep and you have given her a chance of finding another loving where she will be just as happy and cared for. The fact is, not everyone can invest in an animal with numerous health problems financially and emotionally and the well being of the animal is important.

I’ve read your blog for a while, whilst not being a blogger myself and know how much love, care, affection and devotion you gave to Molly.

The shelter should have informed you of her health issues before adoption. I sincerely hope in time you will find another beautiful doggie to join your family. I also sincerely hope that Millie finds that other loving home soon.

Best wishes to you

Hamitana

What happened with Millie was so very sad. But sometimes the kindest thing is to return the dog. We had to do this once and it caused us a lot of heartache. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for you.

I'm really sorry that this person was so judgemental towards you, first of all no one should at all judge another person until they have walked a day in their shoes, and 2nd of all... you just lost a pet, how could you have possibly faced more heartache? Hang in there girly...

I got a comment similar to this when one of my goats broke her leg and it couldn't be splinted. Someone absolutely ran me through the wringer for .... actually I'm not sure what for but I was berated for being so selfish. Actually, the comment didn't make sense, just cruel. So sorry you got one too.

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