Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A Dogs Diary vs a Cats Diary.....

Linda a dear friend had this posted on Facebook, so I thought I would share it with you.
‎8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favourite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favourite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favourite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
...12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favourite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favourite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favourite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favourite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favourite!


Day 283 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Cretins!* There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


Connie Walsh said...

Love it.

angela said...

hahahah thats exactly how my two act. Only I dont think the cat is really a prisioner, he got out the other night and no one noticed as we were not home. When we got home the look on his face clearly told us that we should of been there to let him back into the house. how dare we make him wait outside like some common animal.lol

Janet said...

Very funny !I think that was written by my cat - sounds very familiar .

Karine said...

lol I had read that before. I'm lucky, my two cats seem to enjoy their captivity, or at least Quinn does! Magique is definitely more of a tormenter though!

Star said...

Loved that - very observant! I have two cats and no dog, yet. I would love a dog but circumstances don't permit at the moment.
Re your comment in email: Yes, U.S. feels like a vacation, England is home. That is where my heart is despite me trying otherwise sometimes. I return on Thursday, arriving Friday and I can't wait to see, smell and feel old Blighty again. I just love the pretty country lanes and the gorgeous old buildings. Most of all I love my family over there and I haven't seen my grandson, Dylan, for three months now. I am DESPERATE to see him again.
Star x

Stephanie V said...

Ha, ha, ha. Loved that. Perfect entries for these two wildly different companions.

Jane and Chris said...

A friend sent me this a while ago..not based on our cats though, they wouldn't go outside if you paid them!!
Jane x

Kim said...

This is fabulous!

Winifred said...

Brilliant Gill. Much better than Bridget Jones stuff!

Anonymous said...

LOL thank you so much for that Gill - I love it ^^
I honestly believe our cats think our dog is retarded - he's always so happy about everything ^^

Rose said...

I have seen this I don't know how many times, but it is always so funny to me...I only have cats now, but have had dogs all my life...and these fit them both to a 'T'--I swear one of my cats is going to cause me to break my neck...she is continually weaving in and out of my feet...or will come up and lay down right behind me when I am in the kitchen and I won't know she is there and turn around an trip over her.